I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
