just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
