my phone needs a breathalizer
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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