these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
