in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
