Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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