I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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