Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
