I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
