Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
