Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
