Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
