Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
