My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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