Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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