im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I supernannyed him into submission
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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