It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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