I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
