Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
