come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
