Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
