Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize