Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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