I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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