Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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