Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
