He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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