You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
