is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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