i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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