i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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