dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
