I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
