you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
