You just made me feel so damn special
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize