if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
