shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
