Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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