my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
