Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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