its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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