your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
