you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
