So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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