My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize