I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
