Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
