I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
