1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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