Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
