when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
