We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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