In America we eat man semen.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
