If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
