hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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