I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
