Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
