I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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