dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
