ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
