he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
