K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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