It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
