was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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