I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
